My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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