I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just gift wrapped bread.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
