Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
