You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
