i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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