I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is classic penis vs brain.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
