her vagine was all disorganized.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
