Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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