You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
