who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
