Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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