You work out of a Hotel?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
