He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
