can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
