I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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