nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is wine microwaveable?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
