I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
