I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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