we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
