sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I lost the right to judge tonight
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
