Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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