Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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