she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
