i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
