I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
