I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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