forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
