lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
