is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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