Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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