he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize