I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
there is glitter all over my balls
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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