Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
