i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize