I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
