Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
