I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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