I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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