anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
