It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
