I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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