She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
