Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
