She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
