he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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