if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
