I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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