I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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