HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
