Apparently you make a good broom.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
