Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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