I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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