so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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