Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
