omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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