I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
