WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize