I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
