That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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