While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
