you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
